How do these fit? I don't want to look like I'm wearing a tent (or a sausage casing).
We run true to size on standard unisex tees and hoodies, but "true to size" in a garage full of guys who eat gas station burritos for lunch is a loose science. Check the size chart on each product page before you buy — it's got actual measurements, not vibes.
Between sizes? Size up if you want it loose enough to bend over an engine bay without a wardrobe malfunction. Size down if you want it fitted enough to show off the gains you claim you're working on.
How long until this shirt actually shows up on my porch?
Every piece is made to order — nobody's sitting on a warehouse full of shirts waiting for you. That means production takes a few days before it even ships, then standard shipping time on top of that. Exact production and shipping windows are listed at checkout and in your confirmation email, because they can shift by product and by how slammed our print partners are.
Once it ships, you'll get a tracking number by email. Watch it like you watch the shop's parts order — mildly obsessively.
Can I return this or trade it for a different size?
Since every item is printed on demand just for you, we don't accept returns or exchanges for a simple change of heart or a sizing guess gone wrong — there's no stock to restock. Order smart, check that size chart.
If something showed up damaged, misprinted, or just plain wrong, that's on us and we'll make it right. Email us with your order number and a photo and we'll sort a reprint or refund.
Is this stuff really as crude as it looks, or are you just clickbaiting me?
No, we are not clickbaiting you. This is a real Fort Myers auto shop's merch line and the humor is exactly as unhinged as the mockups suggest — innuendo, dumb double entendres, and jokes only a guy covered in brake dust would find funny.
This apparel is intended for adults (18+) with a sense of humor and a tolerance for garage talk. If you blush easy or you're buying this for your grandma's church group, maybe browse elsewhere. Wear it at your own risk — and own it.
I run a shop / team and want a pile of these. Do you do bulk or wholesale?
We can talk bulk orders for shops, race teams, car clubs, and anyone else who wants to gear up a crew. Reach out through our contact page or email with the quantity, sizes, and design(s) you want, and we'll get back to you with pricing and lead time.
Because everything's print-on-demand, bulk runs still take production time — the bigger the order, the more lead time you should plan for.
Can you print something custom for my shop, my crew, or my inside joke?
We're open to custom shop requests — your logo, your crew name, your own filthy inside joke turned into a design. Send us what you're thinking through our contact page and we'll tell you if it's something we can build (and whether it clears our own hard limits — see the crude-humor answer above).
Custom work isn't instant. Expect a design back-and-forth before anything goes into production.
How do I wash this without destroying the print?
Turn it inside out, wash cold, and skip the dryer sheet make-out session — just treat it gently. Line dry or tumble dry low if you're impatient like the rest of us.
Never iron directly on the print — if you must iron, do it inside out or put a cloth between the iron and the design. Direct heat on the print is how you turn a $30 shirt into a $30 rag.
Is my card info safe when I check out?
Yes. Checkout runs through encrypted, PCI-compliant payment processing — we don't see, store, or handle your raw card number at any point. It's handled the same way any legit online store handles it, just with worse jokes on the product pages.
We will never call, text, or email you asking for your card number or account password. If someone claiming to be us does that, it's not us.
Where do you ship, and does everywhere get the same options?
We ship to the addresses our platform supports at checkout — if you can get to the checkout page and enter your address without an error, we can ship there. Available shipping methods and any restrictions for your specific address show up automatically during checkout.
Ship times and rates vary by destination, so check the checkout page for your exact numbers before you complete the order.